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COURTESY OF REX OGLE   Rex Ogle in 1998. #Disowned #Family #Gay #LGBTQ #Rejection #Religion #LALGBTCenter By Rex Ogle Guest Writer We were on the back porch, smoke rolling up from the nearby barbeque grill, the smell of chicken roasting in the air. My father was more silent than usual.  He took a hard swig from his beer bottle. I asked, “You okay?” Out of nowhere, my father says, “If you choose to be gay, then you’re no longer part of this family. You want to live that lifestyle? Then do it somewhere else.” His gaze drifted toward the woods. He didn’t want to look at me. The thought of me, of what I was, sickened him. Shame overwhelmed me. Sweat soaked through my shirt as I held back the bile in my throat. I asked how he knew. My stepsister had outed me.  Stuttering, I tried to explain it wasn’t a choice. But at 18 years old (and caught completely off-guard), I had no defense. Not that it would have mattere...

#holidaystress #family #copingmechanism #conflict #Psychology No matter how far away from home we travel, most of us can’t escape our familial history — and the memories that come with it. Along with shopping, gift-wrapping and cookie baking, I’m prepping for the holidays by accepting that family stress may get the best of me. While I haven’t lived at home for over 20 years, conflict around heated topics like politics can make me feel like a misunderstood teen again. Listening calmly and objectively to my parents becomes harder and harder and I interrupt more. Once, I even rolled my eyes at my mom like a pouty adolescent. My behavior, however, isn’t meant to be disrespectful or cruel, even though it might look that way. It’s actually a normal coping mechanism known as regression. As a psychologist, I’ve heard hundreds of family tales similar to mine. For many of us, reuniting with loved ones during the holidays can feel like psychological time travel. There’s a rea...